BDSM Love & Relationships with Dr. Charley Ferrer

I'd like to welcome our special guest Dr. Charley Ferrer. 


Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world renowned Clinical Sexologist, Talk Show Host, and award winning author. She has appeared on numerous radio and television and is a freelance writer for various newspapers and magazines. She lectures on relationships and sexual health throughout the United States and Latin America.

We have extra-special giveaways today. Comment to enter.  Details below.
BDSM Love & Relationships

By

Dr. Charley Ferrer

I’ve been a Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Mentor for over 15 years. I’ve written six other books on sexuality and self-empowerment, even won the award for Best Self-Help Book 2002 with my first book, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman. My book, The Latina Kama Sutra, was nominated for best sexuality book in 2008. And though I’m beyond proud of all my books, I’m especially thrilled about my two new books BDSM FOR WRITERS and BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH.

It’s my hope that with these two new books on Dominance and submission, I can pull back the leather curtain and show you the truth behind this uniquely erotic and often misunderstand lifestyle. BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH will assist you, the reader, to better understand the men and women who identify within this unique mindset and dispel many of the misconceptions the media and Hollywood have erroneously portrayed in order to sensationalize the audience and make money. It’s my desire to shed some like into the dark abyss and show you that the men and women who participate in Power Exchange relationships are not weird, perverted, nor mentally unstable though their desires do not conform to the norm. Please note I stated “norm” not normal. BDSM IS A NORMAL expression of an individual’s sexual and sensual desires; however it is not a common.

I’m often asked if BDSM is about one person hurting another. The answer to that is NO! The major difference between BDSM and domestic violence is that when the submissive (receiver) asks the Dominant (giver) to stop—the Dominant stops! In a domestic violence situation, the abuser does not stop. Often there is anger and hatred behind domestic violence. In a power exchange relationship, there is no malice. The individuals are not trying to hurt nor injury each other; they merely wish to share a sacred part of themselves with another. And yes, their interactions may look different than your typical relationships however when you stop and think about it, we all express our love and affection in a different ways.

Though they resemble their vanilla cousins to a large extent, Dominance and submission relationships differ greatly based not only because of the Power Exchange dynamics involved but based on the level of open communication and the willingness of each individual to open themselves up to their partner. This amazing mixture of communication, acceptance, affection, exploration and vulnerability are the foundation of every healthy and long lasting BDSM relationship.

The most amazing essence of a Dominance and submission relationship isn’t the erotic thrills or the “whips and chains” as most would believe—it’s the communication. Dominants and submissives in a relationship speak about everything! Whereas most men and women entering into a vanilla relationship withhold information about their desires and sexual needs because they fear rejection or ridicule, in a Power Exchange relationship, the individual’s most embarrassing desires, their fears of abandonment, their fears of failure and never being good enough, their need for love and most importantly what these issues look like are immediately addressed or noted for further discussions. Granted the submissive typically reveals more of him or herself than the Dominant in this respect because let’s face it who wants a wimpy Dominant. However it is through these revelations, this baring of the soul by both partners, and the realistic declaration of their desires and what they’re willing to give and accept from each other that is the foundation of this unique relationship.

This doesn’t mean that the submissive or the Dominant won’t decide somewhere along the line that this relationship isn’t for them. Nor that fears won’t sometimes crop up and create obstacles. Yet because of their willingness to be honest about their needs and desires—in essence bare their soul and psyche to their partner—this openness will ensure these couples reach a level of intimacy and emotional connection unparalleled by their conventional vanilla cousins. And I dare say, they will reach it faster.

The fact that these emotional and psychologically intense topics are open for discussion within a few months if not at the commencement of their union, makes these relationships more realistic and emotionally stable than the typical conventional relationship where men and women hide behind a façade then wonder why things went wrong six months or two years or god forbid twenty years down the road and/or someone is cheating in order to get their sexual desires met.

I’m not saying that Power Exchange relationships are the best. What I am saying is, wouldn’t it be wonderful if you could be completely open with your partner and not have to hide any aspects of yourself; to know that you’re accepted completely despite your flaws or unconventional, erotic, and/or sexual desires. (Excerpt from BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH)

I have to chuckle when I think about how we all strive to be the best in what we do. We take workshops to find ourselves, go to college to learn to be better in our careers, play endless hours of video games or sports to “be the best”. And yet, the one aspect in our lives that will be with us forever—our sexuality—we quickly close our eyes to hoping that we’ll get it right some day.

It’s my greatest wish that BDSM THE NAKED TRUTH will open the door to a path of self discovery for you that allows you to embrace your wild adventurous side. And though you need not go to the extremes, you can dip your toes in this pond and take what you want from it. However if you find you don’t like it nor want to try, at least you can be confident in the fact that you’re making an informed decision instead of one based on ignorance or bias.

For authors, BDSM FOR WRITERS provides you with the necessary information required to understand this unique lifestyle and be able to create characters which convey the true aspects of Dominance and submission. My book not only provides you with the basics but more importantly it helps you understand the psychology and the emotional connection men and women make in this lifestyle. Without that understanding, your D/s characters lack integrity and I dare say—credibility.

I want to thank you all for taking the time to stop by and leave your questions and comments. I also want to thank Joan for her kindness in creating those beautiful bookmarks and having me on her Blog to speak to you about my books. Please reserve your copy today at www.bdsmforwriters.com and enter to win over 30 wonderful kinky prizes and one mundane one. Plus if you leave a message or comment today, you’ll be entered to win.

Live with passion,
Dr. Charley Ferrer

Dr. Charley has given us an extra special prize to giveaway:
A set of hand made metal shackles, compliments of Dungeon Delights

and worth $79-$99 !!!

Other prizes:~ A copy of Dr. Charley's book - winner's choice

~ 1 of 5 handmade bookmarks, pictured above

Ways to enter:

1 point for blog comment here

1 point for Tweeting:

@DoctorCharley author of #BDSM for #Writers talking #Relationships w #GIVEAWAY of shackles, book, bookmarks! http://bit.ly/o8xEuO #drcharley

1 point for liking Dr. Charley's Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Doctor-Charley-Ferrer/226650404018012

Contest closes 7/13, midnight pacific time.

Winners chosen, announced, and contacted via email 7/14

** MUST leave a contact email to WIN **